It's been a good year.
It seems strange to say that. I still have issues with trust. I still find it hard to believe that the Universe won't take away everything I love any minute. Experience has taught me that nothing lasts. Maybe that's why I treasure this life so much.
Last year I began a journey of hope. I let people in to my heart and, just like the Grinch, my heart grew to fit them all. That's what love does, it expands. It multiplies. It sometimes hurts and it sometimes makes you laugh with happiness, but it is there below the surface of everything you touch, coloring every experience.
I have so much to lose.
Last year at this time, I hoped for peace within myself. I hoped to learn to sleep beside someone special and to enjoy the quiet times with him.
I got what I wanted. I like hearing him breathing beside me when I wake in the dark of the night. I like stretching my hand out and resting it against his back, feeling his warmth, and drifting off to sleep. I like the times we just sit in the living room and watch TV or fall asleep to a movie together. I like doing mundane tasks with him...cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, anything that makes me feel we are working toward a common goal together, however small that goal might be.
And then there is this family, this amazing family of his, who have allowed me to become a part of their lives.
Words fail me.
The word "love" is not enough.
I have so much. I've gained so much. And I still want so much more.
So this year, I hope to learn to trust. I hope to overcome my fear and stop living every moment just trying to hold on to what I have. I hope to stretch more, to grow more, to love more, to dare more...to ask for more...to give more.
And to find the words.