Friday, September 16, 2016

Hard to Keep

Many years ago...many, many years ago...a guy named Dick said to me, "I get it now.  You're not hard to get.  You're hard to keep.  Hard to earn."  Those words resonated with me.  I don't think that anyone in a position to know has ever said anything as true about me. 

I'm not hard to get.  I don't feel the need to play games or make someone jump through hoops for a chance with me.  If I find something to like about you, you have a chance.  The thing is, it's just as easy to blow that chance as it was to get it.

I'll put up with a little bit of bullshit at the beginning.  I'll make allowances.  Tell myself a story to make you come out looking better than you should.

But it's not long before I hit the point where I prefer to just cut my losses and walk away.

I asked my dad recently, "What's wrong with guys?" and he said, "They're just trying to get in your pants".  "But they're so bad at it," I replied.

Most guys blow it within minutes.  They can't seem to help saying or doing something stupid.  One guy actually said to me, "You look like you give good blow jobs".  "Funny, so do you", I said.  What did he expect for a response?  Really???

So anyway, here I am, trying to give someone a chance.  He made it a short distance without blowing it, but he's probably on the verge of goodbye already.  Which is okay.  I may as well put a stop to it before I have anything invested emotionally. The thing is that it's the emotional investment I actually crave. I want someone to show me that they're worth the effort.

I'm just no damn good at playing games.  And I'm definitely not into waiting for a guy to get good and ready to make a move.  I say what's on my mind.  I go after what I want.  I want someone equally honest and open and willing to take a chance.  Maybe some guys are intimidated by that?  I don't know.

All  I know is that I've been single for a long time now, and I'm ready to try.  I'm ready to put myself out there, to get rejected, to screw up and even to fall for the wrong guy.  I'm ready to get my heart broken, and even to take a chance on hurting someone else's feelings.  It's all part of the territory.

Ultimately, I want to find someone else to love. Someone else who will love me.  Someone who will understand that I'm not hard to get, but that I'm worth the effort to keep.  Someone who will put themselves out there and let me know that they're thinking about me.  Someone who can keep up with me intellectually as well as physically.

I want to find someone I like as much as I like myself.  And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.  It just may take a while to find.

In the meantime, I'll probably kiss some frogs. That's okay, too.  I toad you that I wasn't hard to get.

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