Figuring It Out

The past couple years have brought a lot of changes to my life.  The death of my grandmother.  The end of my marriage.  The struggle to figure it all out.

For a long time, and I mean several years, I was running on autopilot.  I was a zombie.  I was watching the movie of my life go by and I wasn't even enjoying the popcorn.

My marriage was a mess for a long time before it ended.  I guess that technically my marriage is still a mess because I'm not divorced yet, but that's just paperwork.  As far as my heart, my mind, and my life go...I'm on my own.

Even after Tommy left, I had my sister and her family here and I kind of piggy backed onto their lives.  And then one day they were gone, too.  And I was left with this big empty space where I thought I had a life.

So...here I am.

If my life were a Rocky movie, I would already have gotten my ass kicked and I would now be training for the next big fight.  This is the part of the movie they always show as a montage.  Why?  Because it's not exciting to watch.  It is, however, the pivotal moment in the film.  It's the time when our hero decides to scrape herself off the couch and get to work.  It's the time when the hero of the story grows, changes, becomes...whatever she's supposed to become.

When you see a cocoon, it's not much to look at.  I mean, you wouldn't sit there and stare at a cocoon for weeks on end because it was just so riveting that you couldn't take your eyes away, would you?  No.  If you did, your life would be more boring than mine.  Which might explain why you're reading my blog.

Anyway, once the Spring comes, something very exciting happens to that cocoon after all.  Something new emerges from it.  A caterpillar goes in and a butterfly comes out.

I'm trying to build a butterfly in here.  I know it takes time, but I think I've figured out how to do it.  So take a peek in my direction now and then.  One day, you might be surprised to find an empty cocoon.